I’d like to know: what’s sex like with The Niftian? -N.D.
The Niftian: Uhh...
Sasha: I’ll answer that one! It’s absolutely fucking amazing!!! He makes a sexual encounter feel so passionate and raw. From the biting to the licking, it’s like being on an Ecstasy high.
The Niftian: You’ve done Ecstasy?
Sasha: Shut up. Anyway, the oral is freaking…there’s no words for it. The way he moves his tongue gets me horny just thinking about it! It’s like he sings gospel hymns while he’s eating the pussy! I know for a fact that he has taken me to heaven and back multiple times. The dick game is just “A++++++++!” He’s a freaking porn star; his mission is to make you cum OVER AND OVER AND OVER. So, if you want to take the chance to experience The Niftian, buckle your seat belt because it’s going to be a rough, hot, sex-driven ride!
The Niftian: Damn! Thank you…and you know you’re not getting paid for your responses, right? Anyhoo, for the reading audience, I know that some of you will doubt me, but I can assure you that I did NOT write Sasha’s response. Although her screen name is a pseudonym, her responses are real: this advice column is co-written by two people…although that last question wasn’t really for advice, LOL. She’s right, though: I look at sex like a journey, and it’s my job to please my partner. Thank you for the ego boost, Sasha!
Sasha: You’re welcome! So…when are you coming back to Virginia?
The Niftian: Ha…next question!
What’s the best lube for anal? -E.H.
Sasha: I don’t do anal, so I don’t know.
The Niftian: Every time that I’ve had anal sex with a woman, she preferred to suck and lick on my shaft and used a LOT of saliva. Any other woman that I know (and did not have sex with) always seemed to prefer AstroGlide. As a matter of fact, I’ll defer to my e-buddy Aja of www.chokesngags.com for her take:
Aja: Lot’s o’ lube: AstroGlide, or any other brand…or nature’s favorite: spit. [Make sure to] choose a good position for yourself. On (…) tummy is a classic.
The Niftian: I’ve always heard that straddling the dick is a good position because it allows you greater control over the speed and depth. You can also refer to http://chokesngags.tumblr.com/post/27734749187/do-it. Ultimately, I suggest trying different oil based lubricants and seeing which ones allows you most comfort. I’d say shy away from any numbing lubes because you want to be able to feel if something is going wrong down there (i.e. tearing). Happy ass fucking; let us know how it turns out!
How do you get the pre-kid wild sex back? There's no lack of sex in the household, it's just not as wild and passionate as it used to be. -B.R.
The Niftian: I’ll say this a million times, that you have to communicate. The obvious change is that there is now a little one running around the house that takes away from the sexual chemistry that you had before. Maybe changing diapers and breastfeeding don’t quite do it for ya’. That’s fine, but you need to talk things over with your significant other and figure out a plan. What did you do before that you miss? Do they miss it as well?
Sasha: I say the best thing to do is role play, or bring toys into the equation, watch porn with your man. Explore yourself to figure out what will make you hit the pre-kid sex peak. Get buck wild.
The Niftian: Those are all awesome ideas, but talk things out and see what makes your moist/hard. You should know, at this point, what your significant other likes/dislikes and what turns them on. Take some time to formulate a plan that you know will really stir them up and place that freakiness into action!
Your significant other not pleasing you? You want to try something new in bed but are too afraid to ask? Curious about trying a new position? Ask our resident experts, The Niftian & Sasha, and get unadulterated, experienced, passionate answers to your every inquiry! Send questions to TheNiftian@gmail.com